Birdist Rule #79: Think of Something Nice to Say About Mallards

Um . . . green is a good color on you?

It鈥檚 hard for a veteran birder like myself to get excited about Mallards. More specifically, it鈥檚 easy for a veteran birder like myself to resent seeing a Mallard, instead wishing it were literally any other species of duck.

The problem is that they鈥檙e everywhere. They鈥檙e in the park, of course, swimming around like a gang of bread-addicted zombies. But they鈥檙e also usually the most common species of duck when I鈥檓 out in more natural places, tricking me into thinking they鈥檙e something more exciting. Beginner birders soon learn the twinge of disappointment that follows the spotting of a duck, the lifting of the binoculars, and the uttering of, 鈥渙h, Mallards.鈥

I feel bad about the disdain I have for Mallards. It鈥檚 not their fault they鈥檝e been so successful! It鈥檚 not their fault they love the delicious taste of white bread (even if it ).聽So, in the spirit of reconciliation and love for my feathered friends of all species, please indulge me as I try to think of some nice things to say about Mallards.

Alright, first, they鈥檙e attractive! A drake in breeding plumage is downright spectacular. The shiny green heads, the sharp white necklaces, those cute little curly tail feathers. If they weren鈥檛 so familiar, I鈥檓 convinced we鈥檇 regard them as one of the most beautiful ducks. On the other hand, female Mallards鈥 brown with a yellow bill鈥攁re, uh, somewhat less visually interesting.

Okay, what鈥檚 next. Well, their ubiquity can be seen as a positive, right? Mallards have a worldwide presence: They鈥檙e native to North America, Europe, and parts of Asia and Africa. They've聽also been introduced into parts of South America, Australia, and New Zealand. Looking for a way to bond with someone but you don鈥檛 speak the same language? Try showing them a photo of a Mallard. There鈥檚 a good chance they鈥檒l know it.

There are a bunch of reasons Mallards have been able to thrive. Their tolerance for cold allows them to stay year-round in places as long as there鈥檚 food and open water; I used to see them in the dead of winter in Maine at the beach or in city park ponds that didn鈥檛 freeze. They鈥檝e also got a very flexible diet, eating a wide variety of little aquatic invertebrates, seeds, aquatic plants, and, of course, carbo-loading on white bread tossed by an old man on a bench.

Admittedly, I鈥檓 kinda stumped after 鈥渢hey鈥檙e pretty鈥 and 鈥渢hey鈥檙e everywhere.鈥 So, I turned to my friends on the Twitter to help me think of some more positive things about Mallards.

Urban pioneers with trash nests! That鈥檚 . . .聽that鈥檚 pretty cool I guess.

Big, if true.

Covered that already. They also do a cute thing when they eat called dabbling, where they tip forward from a sitting position on the water and reach their bills down deep in the water, sticking their little duck butts straight up in the air. It鈥檚 pretty cute, I鈥檓 not going to lie.

鈥淟ook at them because you may find something better than them.鈥 I do not disagree.

Alright, now, this is a great one. This is for real.

Because they鈥檙e so easy to identify, Mallards are a great way to introduce children or other new birders to the bird world. Many of us learned that 鈥渢he ducks with the green heads are called Mallards鈥 when we were kids, maybe even as the birds gobbled bread right at our feet. Their familiarity makes them a perfect link between the urban world and the more natural world. Kids who grow up seeing those green-headed Mallards in their neighborhoods can follow them to far-flung wetlands, coasts, and lakes.

It鈥檚 easy to think of Mallards as annoyances. They鈥檙e boring, they鈥檙e everywhere, and they鈥檙e barely even wild. But maybe that鈥檚 the wrong way to think about them. Mallards, like good friends, are always nearby when you need them. Thanks for always being there, buddies. Here鈥檚 a nice piece of bread.