It was sometime during the pandemic that I realized I didn鈥檛 have a home. I鈥檇 lived in Los Angeles for four years as an East Coast transplant and prided myself on being an outsider. I liked pine needles and protected dunes, not volleyball and Ferris wheels. I liked the melancholy winter blue hour and books that weren鈥檛 beach reads. I liked the camaraderie of the subway, and my friends who鈥檇 known me for decades. But when the mandate came to 鈥渟helter in place,鈥 this place was where I was. And I was still a stranger here.
I was also struggling with my fertility, an endless journey through surgeries and private loss, which only reinforced my isolation. After hundreds of visits, I still used Google Maps to get home from the doctor鈥檚 office, refusing to learn the way. I felt invisible as I drove, like a seedpod that might flutter into an eddy and disappear.
Everywhere I went, I saw the signs of the apocalypse. The city鈥檚 dusty trails and seemingly dead brush were not only unlovely, but alarming. It hadn鈥檛 rained enough in California in years, and yet sprinklers ran all summer, and the city kept washing its gleaming cars. Meanwhile, the president was dismantling climate policies and environmental protections at a harrowing clip.
But as I hunkered down, I started noticing I had company. A California Towhee wanted to chat on my deck, and every morning, the yellow flash of a Hooded Oriole preening in the passionfruit vines caught my eye. I was thrilled when shadows large as dragons came through the yard, outriders of high-flying Red-tailed Hawks. As these birds became my friends, I understood how lonely I鈥檇 been.
In a surge of commitment, I signed up for a program called California Naturalist鈥攊ts name brought to mind a Stetson hat, which appealed to me. (I鈥檇 always nursed a pipe dream of being a national park ranger, not least for the uniform.) I logged into a Zoom classroom, and for more than 40 hours, I learned about where I lived.
I learned to keep a field notebook, to notice caterpillars in the leaf litter, and about why eucalyptus groves were so quiet. I studied my local watersheds and the adaptations of redwoods to fire. I collected live oak acorns in my cup holder. I logged observations on iNaturalist, an app for identifying and mapping biodiversity, staking digital pins throughout my neighborhood.
To complete the course, I had to present a 鈥渃apstone project鈥 involving hands-on volunteer work promoting stewardship. I knew where I wanted to work: Kenneth Hahn State Recreation Area, an urban park a short walk from my house. It was partly wild and untamed鈥攐nce I鈥檇 had to pull my dog away from a coyote on the trail. But much of it looked ugly, gray, and barren. Litter marred the views, and oil derricks bobbed in the lot next door, glaring reminders of the land鈥檚 abuse.
I needed a sponsor for my project, so I googled the park and 鈥渧olunteer.鈥 I found on the blog of the Los Angeles 爆料公社 Society co-written by Eleanor Osgood, . An email led to a phone call, and soon, one fall morning in 2020, we stood at the entrance to Kenneth Hahn.
Eleanor was small-boned, with a cowlicked, silver bowl cut and a car trunk full of trowels. She worked with a small oxygen tank on her back but with a dauntless vigor. I鈥檇 never seen her in the park, and I understood why once she led me to her site. She worked away from public paths, through a tunnel in the coyote brush, in a place not for people but for birds.
She had company, a ragtag volunteer crew who鈥檇 been battling weeds for years. Among them were Alan, an avid hiker and gardener, George, a retired science teacher, and Tian, a visiting professor from China. Every Friday, bearing masks and rusty tools, our team assembled.
This year鈥檚 nemesis was invasive black mustard, which was turning the coastal sage scrub into ashen monoculture. I鈥檇 liked mustard when I鈥檇 seen it spraying hillsides yellow in spring. But come summer it gave way to a sea of brittle gray, tempting wildfire and blighting the landscape.
Moreover, mustard outcompeted native plants, which, by contrast, supported a vast network of species that had coevolved together. Some, like monarch butterflies, depended on a single host plant for survival. When one plant disappears, engulfed by mustard, so do insects that feed on it, and up and up the food chain.
We snapped the dead mustard, often taller than us, down into twigs. Stem by stem we dug under the root node, from which it could resprout, and severed it there. The dead stalks scattered tiny living seeds, which we raked to remove. After a rain we scraped up new seedlings, a carpet of green dots. There were always more, and the work was maddeningly slow.
Now I started seeing mustard everywhere. In a park of 400 mustard-strewn acres, our site measured one acre. A restoration ecologist told that mustard was so widespread, it didn鈥檛 meet the criteria for a species that is manageable on a large scale. In other words, our efforts were futile.
Despairing, I confronted Eleanor. 鈥淗ow can you stand it?鈥 I asked. 鈥淗ow can you work this tiny patch of earth, while mustard swallows the globe?鈥
Eleanor did not flinch. Patiently, she reminded me that by working the land every week for years, we gradually deplete the mustard seed bank. When we reseed with native plants, we give them a head start before the rainy season, and water them extra. They have a chance to grow into a habitat. What matters here, she said, is that birds passing down from the mountains have a soft place to land. 鈥淔or them,鈥 she concluded, 鈥渨e build a corridor.鈥
We build a corridor. Her words cracked light into my soul. We can鈥檛 eradicate mustard everywhere. No more than any individual can, on their own, stop the drilling or halt ponderosa pines from retreating up the mountains. We can鈥檛 make it rain.
But we can look down, and weed the earth at our feet. We can clear a narrow path, step by step. And one day, we鈥檒l look up and see we鈥檝e built a corridor.
Eleanor . In April 2021, she texted me from the hospital: 鈥淎ll of us together might actually conquer the mustard by the end of spring!鈥 But come summer, she was gone.
I miss her optimism, her fearlessness, and the way she cocked her head to hear the birds. But her words still root me and have helped me find my stake in this land. Still every week, I work her acre with my new weeding friends.
My fingernails are black with soil, but a native coastal goldenbush has taken root. Native wildflowers鈥擟alifornia everlasting, cliff aster, wire lettuce, and clustered tarweed鈥攁re making a bid. At dusk, the light settles pink against the mountains鈥 flanks, and I know the length and angle of the shadows at this time in this season. I know that, in the folds, the dark purple creases where evening falls first, birds are bedding down. And that tomorrow, they might rest here.